Ashley then and now.

I don't remember much of that night...
I remember taking a bottle of pills. I don't remember what they were. I remember running. I remember it being dark and cold. My left arm freezing and aching. My body kept wanting to fall down but I kept pushing myself. Running and running. I remember going inside somewhere, that wasn't my home, but I don't remember where. The next thing I remember is sitting in an ambulance, the siren hurt my head. They wrapped my arm with gauze. I remember a bad taste and throwing up. I remember being put in a room with only a bed, for what seemed like hours. Then I was brought into an elevator and they got mad because I had to make sure that every single button was lit up. Then I was put in another room with a round table that was too big for the room, that had a computer mounted on a wall. I sat in a chair and answered all questions. I remember a few.
Q. What did you take?
A. I don't remember.
Q. Where did you run to?
A. I don't remember.
Q. Do you cut?
A. Do you have eyes?

Eventually they put me in a room alone, and I picked the bed farthest away from the door. I Sat on the bed and looked out the window. A few hours later everyone else came out into the lobby. I didn't want to come out.
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That was three years ago. A lot has changed since then. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I still have those feelings sometimes BUT now I really know my reasons for not acting on them. I have a beautiful daughter that I want to see grow up and have her know her biological mother. I have an amazing boyfriend that I can talk to about anything. I have some of the best friends a person could ask for. The kind of friends that are there for me no matter what.

Life is stressful. I'm not going to lie. When things are low, they get better. As I continue to write, you'll see that things really do. I've been through a lot. I know there are people that have had it worse, but I'm hoping that with me telling my story, it will inspire those people to be able to open up and let it out. So the burden of carrying these secrets, comes off their shoulders.

~Ashley~